I put many people to sleep during their massages. It’s actually one of the biggest compliments to accomplish that.
This however was different.
I finished the massage, placed my hand on her shoulder and said “Ok, so and so, you’re all set.”
No movement.
I gently shook her under the assumption that she’d fallen asleep.
No movement.
I started to panic.
I ran into the next room and asked the other therapist what to do. She thought she would add to my panic by telling me the client could have gone into diabetic shock which can lead to coma or death.
Great – there goes my tip.
I remembered that she came in with a friend who I was really hoping wasn’t dead too because I needed some help here.
She was in the sauna and I calmly walked in and told her that I was having trouble waking her friend up.
She laughed and said “Oh it’s fine, she took a Xanax before the massage.”
I asked her if she could please go and get her jackass friend off my table (said the person who once took a sleeping pill before a meditation class and let the instructor believe she was that good.)
Idiots. The lot of us.
spa-curious 
Haha! Oh boy! That was awesome!
You seriously had to be there. It was quite the scene.
It’s still a funny read. I shared it and people LOL’d and Lol’d 😉
That makes me happier than Xanax.
There goes my tip… awesome. I’d totally drink up before a massage, not that I’ve ever had a real massage, but I do like to drink. I passably know what Xanax is, but not interested in anything that makes me feel grubby that can’t be squired out my nose. I hope you get what I mean.
I’m just glad you’re here, you magnificent fucking weirdo, five whole rye-and-gingers couldn’t make you look an ounce better to me.
Oh Trent – at 10pm and no doubt many alcoholic beverages consumed, a cow’s vagina probably looks good to you.
On a serious note, I have never been more flattered in my entire life. If a weirdo I be, at least I’m a magnificent one.
Magnificent is a perfect word for it.
I’m only really one beer into it, but I can see the rest all lined up waiting for me… and I would totally eat a cow’s vagina by the way. There is not part of those slow-moving, grass-chugging horse-wannabes that I wouldn’t slurp down raw, cooked or inhaled.
I just stopped myself from googling cow’s vagina. Not for long though.
I just looked too… I stand by my words.
you stand alone my friend.
omg. omg. omg. do not google cow’s vagina. do not.
and while you’re not googling it, don’t click ‘cow blowing’ on Wikipedia.
or do.
I saw the cow blowing… injecting air into bad places. I may never drink again.
right and i will never give another blow job.
HOW DID YOU GET ME HERE?????!!!
You started it, dammit!
oh.
whoops.
Grrrrrr…. there’s nothing like going to bed with cow vagina on the brain.
we’ll pick up tomorrow with why i looked up milton berle’s penis.
‘night.