This is what a perfect friend is:
Someone who doesn’t judge you when you do stupid shit. every. single. day.
They applaud your accomplishments no matter how small like washing a dish in a sink of a thousand dishes.
They listen to all your most boring, inane, senseless, dim, dumb, senseless thoughts and stories and remembers them even when they’re not obligated to because they’re not sleeping with you or trying to.
They know when to leave you alone even when they’re pretty sure you’re close to murdering yourself in the most horrible way.
They bring you Mud coffee and leave it on your doorstep believing you really really need it even though you’re not home and they were too lazy to listen to the entire conversation because if they listened to every word you ever said they would surely rip their ears off and feed them to small children and knowing it better be damn good coffee or you’ll punch them in the throat.
They make home-made popcorn to bring to the movies and give you your own bag.
They call you out when no one else will because your other friends don’t want to hurt your feelings or don’t care enough; the whole while being terrified that you’ll become the psychotic sensitive alter bitch who will possibly castrate you but they don’t really care ’cause they’re not getting any anyway.
They are highly intelligent but never ever need to remind you or anyone else of that because they’re not ‘that’ asshole.
Someone who makes you home-made pasta sauce for your birthday and gives it to you in one of those beautiful glass jars you love so much.
You can say anything no matter how awful, ignorant or mean because they know who you really are and they don’t think you’re racist because you don’t like rap music or black comedians.
They can eat Dirty Bird fried chicken, Taco Bell chalupas and drink way too much but will also attempt to find inner peace with meditation, yoga and do 10 day juice fasts because they know that there has to be a balance and you can’t possibly live a happy life without Taco Bell.
My perfect friend is 44 today and I miss him…(he’s not dead, he just moved – same thing)
Can he get some happy fucking birthday wishes here in the comments because it would make him smile and that would make me smile which is what really matters because in the end, it’s all about me.
Happy Birthday MJ.