I’ll start from the beginning of my experience. Reception very nice. I showed up a half hour before my appointment to have time to relax and change, and maybe a sauna. She showed me the locker room, which was fine, but nothing special, and told me to go sit in the lounge once I changed. I came back out to ask if I had to go there right away, or if I could relax in the sauna a bit since I was early. She said no problem. So I went to the sauna, and it was out of order (no mention by receptionist). I then went and sat in the lounge, and filled out a form where they asked me if there was any part of my body I didn’t want massaged. I said I didn’t want my belly massaged, even though most don’t do that. I waited until the time of my appointment (too much time to sit in front of brownies and not eat them), and then about 10 minutes after the appointment time, the therapist came in. She brought me to the room and asked me if I wanted anything special. I told her I wanted her to spend a good part of the time on my hamstrings and pyraformis muscle because they were very tight, and less time on other parts. She then proceeded to tell me her hands were strong and I should let her know if she should lighten up. I didn’t find them particularly strong, so I asked if she could apply a little extra pressure when she got to my hamstrings. She replied that I could upgrade to a deep tissue massage if I wanted to. The Blissage description had said, among other things, that it will target my most troubled muscles. The upsell basically ruined my mood, but it only got worse. She spent very little time on my hamstrings and pyraformis, and rushed through my whole back side. She then flipped me over and informed me that they do the tummy at Bliss. I asked her not to and reminded her of what I wrote on the form, which she obviously hadn’t read. She then rushed through the front side and when she got to my feet, she went on FOREVER (like this review?) She clearly didnt’ time it well, so decided to spend all the extra time on my feet. It got to the point of being irritating. I had something on my eyes, so couldn’t see her, but it was clear she wasn’t even paying attention to what she was doing because the rubbing basically kept stopping and starting (she may have been texting). She finally finished, and I looked at my watch and she had not extended the time after being 10 minutes late, so basically gave me a 65 minute massage for the price of 75 minutes. Needless to say I am not inclined to return.
First, when writing a review keep in mind that people have other things to do. Keep it to the point. I had to edit out half your review because it was an endless, moronic clusterfuck of boring crap that enriched zero persons. I found myself wanting to rip out my eyes and swallow them.
No one gives a shit how long you were sitting in front of brownies. I know you think you’re adorable & amusing but if you have an intense desire to write tedious, random piffle, start a blog.
And if your piriformis muscle was that important to you, you’d stop spelling it wrong.
You basically booked a Swedish massage. The description under Blissage 75 clearly describes it as a ‘ridiculously relaxing rubdown’. Just because it targets ‘troubled muscles’ doesn’t mean it’s ‘deep’ work, shithead. If you want deep-tissue, book a deep-tissue. If you had read the menu you’d have seen a sports massage that includes “deep-tissue work”. It’s not an upsell if they are asking you to pay for the service you are requesting.
She probably wasn’t paying attention to the massage because she was way too busy contemplating cool ways to kill you and dispose of your body (especially your piriformis muscle), as well as trying to remember if she needed to stop and get cat litter on the way home. It’s quite challenging to juggle all those things at one time. If indeed she was texting, it was to her arms dealer to bring her the largest weapon available that would induce the most pain possible.
And we all wish she would have.