Me. Probably you too but I can’t make that judgment until I’ve met you.
I just signed up with Pandora because it’s 14 years ago. Upon choosing my radio stations, I paused with each one in fear that anyone would stumble upon it like a lost diary and find out that I added a Barry Manilow station and also I just realized I titled a post after a Barry Manilow song and am now just too embarrassed to be a person but this glass of Malbec is absolutely helping me forget about Barry Manilow and how I just wrote Barry Manilow 3x in one sentence – now 4.
How the shit is this a post on massage in any form? ‘Cause it is right now.
But first Kenny Rogers because I love him and don’t give a fuck that my closest male friend, MJ, is absolutely shaking his head in both disbelief and disgust right now. More disgust than disbelief.
So duh, drinking any liquids before a massage means only one thing. Pee.
Hold off on the liquids for at least an hour before your service so you can avoid interrupting the service, asking the therapist for your robe so you can use the bathroom, having the therapist roll their eyes into their head and pretend they don’t mind at all. They’re minding . A lot.
And the eating before a massage follows the same rules as swimming (without the water and the cramps and it’s not like swimming at all now that I think about it).
Try not to eat at least an hour or so before your massage for a couple of reasons. Why chance feeling gassy and bloated while trying to enjoy a pretty amazing experience? Also, one of the biggest benefits of massage is circulation:
For the whole body to be healthy, the sum of its parts–the cells–must be healthy. The individual cells of the body are dependent on an abundant supply of blood and lymph because these fluids supply nutrients and oxygen and carry a way wastes and toxins. So, it is easy to understand why good circulation is so important to our health and why massage can be so beneficial for the entire body due to its effect on circulation alone.
So, let your body focus on doing that stuff instead of working to digest that foot-long you just devoured washed down with a 70oz. Pepsi. Hey, I get it – it’s $4.99 – no judgments.