Svetlana & the Muddy Balls/Client story

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I love the Russians.  Nothing shakes them.
I want to be Russian one day.
A male client came in with Svetlana for a mud body mask in Trump Tower.
You see where this is going, right?  We all wanted to get booked with body treatments. For a massage therapist it was a break from working and for estheticians it was more commission.  It was not uncommon for appointments to mysteriously move to Svetlana’s book and for us to notice how the booking receptionist had freshly shaped brows or lost the mustache we were all enjoying earlier in the day.  Safe to say that’s how it works in the spa industry (for ALL of us).
The treatment had a decent amount of steps and guidelines but when it was ready to apply, it was pretty heavenly.
Gentle body exfoliation with gloves, quick rinse off in the vertical spa shower, application of warm, earth-scented mud mask, wrap ’em up in plastic or foil and bake for approximately 15 – 20 minutes (you can stick a wooden toothpick into thigh and if it comes out clean…please don’t do that).
Benefits are full body relaxation, soft skin and release of toxins stored up in the body.
So you can imagine my surprise & dismay when told that this male client asked her to apply the mud mask to his balls. If it were me, I would have dropped the bowl on the tile floor while running out of the room and hiding in a broom closet for at least 2 hours until I was sure he had left the building and the borough).  Not her.  She calmly handed him the bowl, told him she would leave the room and he could apply it himself and came back in the room to finish the treatment.   Why? Because the threat of losing that commission & tip meant less food on the table for her family whereas I never worried about that because I’m not Russian and I have family here (way too much family) and someone would always be there to pick up the slack – and believe me they have been.
As I get older and realize that being taken care of is not as appealing as I once imagined – being Russian is sounding more and more attractive to me.
I’m just not sure how exactly to go about that.
Do I just start wearing fake Gucci bags and buying designer clothes at outlet stores and move to Brighton Beach?
I miss Svetlana…
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Why drink water after a massage?

72percent water

Because I said so.

And although I never seem to get tired of doing stupid things (watching violent crime shows right before bed and then having nightmares about severed heads or eating too much sugar and then waking up every hour forever and then seriously contemplating why that keeps happening but not requesting that Dr. Doom stop buying Sour Patch Kids and soda), at least I know I’m stupid. That’s gotta be good for something.

As I was editing this post, I was both impressed and confused with the information I gathered until I realized that I wasn’t the one who wrote it.  Heh.  It was from a spa blog called Milk + Honey out of Texas.  I like their explanation of the importance of drinking water especially after a massage.

Have you ever wondered why you are told to drink extra water after a massage?  Your therapist is not just honing a nurturing instinct or lecturing you on good health. When your muscles are manipulated during a massage waste materials and other toxins are released from the muscles and into the blood stream. Just like when you exercise, massage, especially deep tissue or sports massage, dehydrates muscles and removes electrolytes. In order to help your kidneys process and flush out these toxins, it is important to drink additional water. Water will help prevent unnecessary soreness, possible nausea, and an overall sluggish feeling. Your body is happy to get rid of all the “junk” it has been storing but you need to help it along with extra H2O. Keeping your muscles hydrated regularly helps keep the tissue supple and healthy reducing tension and spasm.

There is debate about the actual amount of water that is considered the right amount. A good way to know you are hydrated is to make a point to drink your 8 glasses a day and if your urine is clear then, you are hydrated. If you are already a pro at staying hydrated, then go ahead and tack on an extra 3-4 glasses of water after a massage. Every body is different so you might have to test it out and see how much is enough for you. If the day after a massage you are stiff and fatigued, add on a couple more glasses the next go around. You will find your body feeling renewed and rejuvenated.

In my own experience, last time I had a deep tui-na massage I forgot to drink water. Of course I did.  I had no specific requests because my body was in such sad shape that I seriously didn’t care what she did. It was some rad deep work and I allowed it because although I would be sore for a few days, I would feel great after that.  I walked home afterwards because I forgot that I don’t like to walk anywhere and I had little clue where I was or who I was after getting off  that massage table.  When I arrived home I felt dizzy and nauseated.  I decided that I had contracted the flu and began going through a list of clients I had worked on that day who I could hate for selfishly spreading their unforgivable rotten germs with me.  Then it hit me like one would a crack whore asking for the product before the service.  How did I fail to realize that this therapist beat the living hell out of my body and I needed to flush out the crap that was begging to get out?

Just drink water. I bet crack whores never drink enough water.