Envy anticipated…

I am fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who is so annoying, that to compensate for his many shortcomings he gives me daily massages.

He’s damn good.

He’s better than some professional therapists I’ve had work on me.

Men have larger hands and he has amazing intuition.

He makes up massage strokes that I steal and use in my treatments.

I can tell that he genuinely doesn’t mind, especially since it’s his initiation.

He rarely asks me to work on him because he knows how physically hard I work and doesn’t want to bother me.

No. You can’t have him.

Do any of your partners massage you?


Yes. It’s dirty. Now shut up & put your face in it.

You’d be surprised how often a client, once they’re on the table, asks if the face cradle cover is clean .  You can ask if you want but I promise you the answer will NEVER be “No, it’s actually filthy, now shut up & put your face in it”.  You can ask for a clean one, but know you are now a giant pain in the ass.

Yes, I’ve forgotten to change them a few times.

Yes. Sometimes we run out and need to re-use one.

Yes. It’s gross.

Sorry.  Everything will be o.k..

Can we move on now?