Svetlana & the Muddy Balls/Client story

I love the Russians.  Nothing shakes them.
I want to be Russian one day.
A male client came in with Svetlana for a mud body mask in Trump Tower.
You see where this is going, right?  We all wanted to get booked with body treatments. For a massage therapist it was a break from working and for estheticians it was more commission.  It was not uncommon for appointments to mysteriously move to Svetlana’s book and for us to notice how the booking receptionist had freshly shaped brows or lost the mustache we were all enjoying earlier in the day.  Safe to say that’s how it works in the spa industry (for ALL of us).
The treatment had a decent amount of steps and guidelines but when it was ready to apply, it was pretty heavenly.
Gentle body exfoliation with gloves, quick rinse off in the vertical spa shower, application of warm, earth-scented mud mask, wrap ’em up in plastic or foil and bake for approximately 15 – 20 minutes (you can stick a wooden toothpick into thigh and if it comes out clean…please don’t do that).
Benefits are full body relaxation, soft skin and release of toxins stored up in the body.
So you can imagine my surprise & dismay when told that this male client asked her to apply the mud mask to his balls. If it were me, I would have dropped the bowl on the tile floor while running out of the room and hiding in a broom closet for at least 2 hours until I was sure he had left the building and the borough).  Not her.  She calmly handed him the bowl, told him she would leave the room and he could apply it himself and came back in the room to finish the treatment.   Why? Because the threat of losing that commission & tip meant less food on the table for her family whereas I never worried about that because I’m not Russian and I have family here (way too much family) and someone would always be there to pick up the slack – and believe me they have been.
As I get older and realize that being taken care of is not as appealing as I once imagined – being Russian is sounding more and more attractive to me.
I’m just not sure how exactly to go about that.
Do I just start wearing fake Gucci bags and buying designer clothes at outlet stores and move to Brighton Beach?
I miss Svetlana…