Careful with that thing – you’re gonna poke someone’s eye out/Client stories

calvin1

someone peed in the spa sauna today.

they did.

i don’t know why.

i want to be more surprised because that would mean it was rare and unusual behavior but when i worked at Barnes & Noble, a guy peed on the floor in the Antiques & Collectibles section.

please stop it or you’re gonna leave me no choice but to take them away from you.

Yeesh.

duh1

Standing at the spa desk this morning just in time to hear a client ask them how long the 60 minute massage was. As if that wasn’t awesome enough – after hearing the response, they took it to the next level and asked “So an hour and 10 minutes”?
You can’t imagine the joy that added to my day.

Dirty pachingo.

Pachingo – the word Elliot from “Scrubs” uses instead of vagina.

There are few things more entertaining to me then body waxing stories told by the unfortunates who perform this service.
(although some of them LOVE doing it)
I once worked with a girl who said, and I quote, “Bring me the pussy, I’ll wax all the pussy!”.  I enjoyed this quote so much that I wrote it down in my journal
(along with the date, because I needed as much information about the event as possible) (July 2008). You know you wanted it.

It fascinates me.  The other day I asked an esthetician if the majority of her bikini wax clients were clean.
Even though her pause was a sufficient response, It wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy.
After my insistence, she told me that about 50% were clean!
What?! How?  I need names!  I need phone numbers!
There is NO doubt, whatsoever, that someone’s face will be approximately 32 centimeters from your snooch (for other hilarious synonyms for vagina, go here.).  My personal favorite is cookie.
It’s nothing like a cookie – but it’s funny & that’s the ticket.

Listen, I am keeping into account the ‘dog days of summer.’  I’m not talking about the natural, often sweaty smell, that just is (although there are sinks with running water in any restroom – a quick clean up is not a hardship).
What I am referring to are clients, like the one who came to my friend, Rachel, with a matted mess of long pubic hair glued together with vaginal secretions.
You are an awful person.  Die a horrible death.

AND to the drop-dead gorgeous woman whose vaginal odor threatened the entire spa room and made the waxer gag – pull that Cosabella thong right back up, put away your jewel encrusted Iphone and exit immediately.
No charge.  Just go – go far away.

Just a few simple (I imagined commonsensical) waxing guidelines:
-rinse out that mug a little before your bikini wax.
-trim your pubic hair. It’s more challenging with longer hair.
-get off your cellphone.  It’s terribly rude.

I was going to apologize to any male viewers for burrowing through a post on waxing but I’ve mentioned the word vagina, in one form or another, more than 15 times (not including the Urban Dictionary link).
I believe you’ve been fairly compensated.

The John Travolta thing

This John Travolta story sounds like it could be bullshit however I do know for a fact (from a massage therapist friend who worked at the hotel at the time)
that he was banned from the Peninsula Hotel Spa in NYC due to inappropriate behavior.